11/17 - don’t like being in a relationship

While walking it honestly just hit me that I actually never liked being in a relationship. I always thought it was a burden and almost like a checklist item I wanted to get over with. Almost like okay getting married is the checklist, and then finding someone that would help me cross it off, and then just putting a bunch of effort to get it crossed off faster. Almost focusing my everything on it to get it checked off. Working 10 times harder to get it checked off was also where the overcompensating came from.

But not once was I ever like if I didn’t end goal from this, that I actually like just being in a relationship. It was always just an inconvenience. Going out to eat, always liked doing it better with friend. Going out was better with friends. Going to a party was better with friends. Vacations were better with friends. Staying home was better by myself. Not once was I ever like I can just be where I am like this in a relationship forever.

And that to me is the biggest sign that I never found the right person and was just too immature to know it. I just tried finding people who would check off the item on my checklist.

Besides that, my friend P came over today with her mom and her husband! Her mom and my mom are best friends and this was honestly the first time I hung out with her husband. Her and I grew up together so it was nice to just reminisce about everything,

8/10 - Wholesome day