Step 16 - Do NOT overcompensate.

Overcompensating means prioritizing another person's comfort while neglecting your own. This behavior drains your energy, leads to dissatisfaction, and reflects a failure to put yourself first. It often stems from seeking validation from others while ignoring your own needs—essentially, you're too focused on whether they like you.

How does this show up in dating?

For example, on a date where you notice a lack of reciprocity, you might keep asking questions while receiving none in return. That's overcompensating—giving more than you get. It happens whenever you go above and beyond to make someone else comfortable at your own expense. Another example: you put tremendous effort into their birthday celebrations while they ignore yours. That's overcompensating.

How to work on this?

Instead of obsessing over whether they like you, ask yourself: "How does this person make me feel? Do I like them?" Practice self-affirming statements like "I have the ability to be the chooser" and "I know and love myself and that's all I need"—because seeking external validation often masks a need for self-validation. Before dates, adopt this mindset: you're the bachelorette, and they're trying to win you over.