11/11 - Delulu day

Today’s 11/11 - apparently it’s one of the highest days for manifesting and on that topic I almost had an extension of a 180 from yesterday. F the gut feeling because that only creates a limiting belief for me. That the best I can get is N, when in all honesty he had a bunch of flaws too and finally I see him off the pedestal.

How I came to this conclusion? I was like what if he did text me, what if we did get back together? And out of nowhere other flaws started to come into line where I never actually felt like I could lean on him, his aura was too unbothered, or where I couldn’t completely be myself with him. I had to go in as non-reactive and almost polished, which idk maybe it is supposed to be that way where you’re emotionally regulated but for me it just felt like I was hiding parts of myself. The truth is I am all over the place emotionally, and I can’t hide away from that. I need to accept that. I do get sentimental, BUT I can have a front where my emotions are in place. However, I don’t think that’s what I want from my forever person.

I want to be able to cry one minute, laugh another, and be back to working the next. That’s just how I am.

So out of nowhere I was like thinking in the slightest way I’m getting back with him is almost killing my desire to find someone that gets my emotions. It creates a limit. And that’s not a vibrational match to manifesting my person.

I need to continue to manifest my person and if N happens to be that person, that’s another thing. So I’m honestly back to just healing and moving through life one day at a time.

I also journaled my wishes, someone on tiktok said to write 101 so your focus isn’t on one wish and you almost detach from all of them. And on another tiktok, I saw that the reason why you want certain things so badly is because you already have them somewhere in the timeline. It’s snapshots of your life. And honestly up till this point, I do have a lot of what I thought I was going to have, so I made a list of things I can clearly see in my future.

Health wise - honestly it was a complete rest day, barely got steps in. My body was truly exhausted from yesterday.

9/10 - Feeling closer to my goals and did a lot of manifesting.