11/13 - My timeline is different

I’ve been pretty angry for the past couple of days, and I just couldn’t put a finger on it. Today it all kind of made sense. #1 reason was hormones. #2 reason was that it just felt like people who don’t even deserve something got what I really badly wanted. There’s this one girl that got something that I really wanted, and yeah I’m happy for her but deep down I’m like literally why her? She’s someone who is genuinely not that great of a person and constantly hurts people. While, I feel like I wear my heart on my sleeve. Sure she was detached and had the right attitude whereas I still needed to develop that but do people not sense she’s fake? How can someone that’s not a good person get what she wants, so easily?

Made me question if I was the one that was doing something wrong. Like why didn’t I get it?

My conclusions - My dreams might be bigger and different, and if order for all my dreams to come true, different things work for me at different timelines. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to get it but maybe I needed something else to happen first? Because it’s like a puzzle, different things need to happen in order for me to get what I want.

Her overall dreams are different than mine. And for her maybe this dream coming true made sense at this time.

For me - I clearly needed some more character development. So it doesn’t mean I’m not worthy or I’m a bad person. My dreams are just on a different timeline than hers. And I’m not behind.

Even though I know this to be the reason, it’s kind of hard to digest. Sometimes the envy does take over. But it’s okay, because what’s meant for me will truly never miss me.

8/10 - Working through envy and anger and hormones