12/9 - Finding clarity again

Waking up felt weird because just a year ago I was in the same bed, doing the same thing, and it almost felt like I was stuck in time. like the past year of my life just didn’t happen or that I was just getting anxiety knowing I was in the same page last year. I am forgot about my whole year, and the anxiety creeped in a bit.

But that’s where I found my clarity that I was looking for last night. I’ve moved on from SF. It’s a place I come back to because it will always be a part of me, almost like when some people keep going back to the college they went to. SF has a special place in my heart, so it only feels right feeling like it’s home. But I know it’s not my destiny calling me back. I”m happy in Chicago. Honestly, getting this clarity was such a relief because I didn’t want any part of me to feel like I was meant to come back to SF. It just felt contradictory to my new era of the person I’m trying to become, almost like a step backwards.

I walked to work today, and it honestly just felt so good to be able to do that especially after being in 20 degrees weather for 2 months straight and walking on walking pads.

I went to work and saw all my coworkers and that also felt like I was there all along like nothing has changed in a year, like I saw them yesterday. But that again reminded me that this is how it should feel about anyone in your life. I used to struggle with that with J every time I saw him after a while, I almost felt like I was with a stranger. Not that I knew him for years. My coworkers and friends always feel like that.

So note to self - they should feel familiar.

6/10 - Feeling a bit jumbled

Intuition - I need to slow down a bit, and take it one step at a time.