2/1 - officially 6 months single
it’s officially 6 months today! And I literally just woke up feeling so proud.
I’m also really acting like I’m rich, hot, and successful. And it gave me some insights I was not expecting. First, this one is pretty bad, so i’m almost judging myself but I viewed someone that had less money than me as like “come on get yourself out of this rut. You can do this. Like poverty was their fault.” I lost all my humility. Which honestly shocked me. I know I talked about this 2 days ago on how politicians and rich people see themselves as powerful and didn’t care about the poor because they didn’t see themselves as a part of them. I was upset because I saw myself as a part of the middle class. But when I saw myself as a part of the rich, I did the same thing.
For a sec, I was like okay this is not the type of person that aligns with myself self though. I want to be humble and giving. But I can’t help but act like “okay if I can get myself out of the rut, you can too. You just need to fight hard enough.” And then I was like if you think about it, I’ve always thought life this for people lower than me. We all have. That’s what people think about homeless people. Like “go get a job”.
I’ve always been a little pissed from feeling like my friends are taking advantage. Like lately, I’ve been paying the tabs and I don’t feel like “oh my money will run out”. It’s more like mhm.. I feel a bit taken advantage of and I don’t like it. That’s when I realized, rich people love their money. They can have millions and won’t give “extra” money to anyone. Just because they don’t want to be taken advantage of.
When I was in college, I knew a friend of mine had wayyyy more money than me, and I would always pay her back. That’s where I feel like okay, if I can pay someone back, idc how much money I have, I don’t want to be taken advantage of.
How I’m going to navigate through this is a tomorrow problem. Like bridging the gap between the person I should act like and the acting like the person I am if I’m rich.
Do I have it all wrong? Is the highest version of myself different than the person I think I’ll be?
On the other note, I’m going to my friend’s pre-engagement party today and literally my biggest mission for today is to look hot and go with that confidence.
At the engagement, I was truly happy for her. But also noticed a shift in my energy. Literally I didn’t care for small talk. Normally, I would try to control the conversation to make sure it wasn’t awkward. This time, I literally was just answering people’s questions. I didn’t care to control it, and that led to a lot of awkwardness. Idk how I feel about that.. was I just not confident or did I not care about trying to force a conversation with someone I didn’t feel a connection with. I was okay with being quiet tbh, with occasional conversation.
I came home and decided to go post on IG, and out no where was excited for validation because I, myself felt hot.
7/10 - A lot of learnings and insights today that I didn’t expect but overall was a good day. Happy that I’m actually mentally feeling my affirmations.
Intuition - I need to take it day by day. I don’t need the answers all today. First step is just move like the things I want.
