3/23 - Learning how to deal with anxiety

Earlier in the morning, I woke up feeling anxiety and just prayed to god to give me strength and help me feel at peace.

Mom had to go to an eye appointment, so decided to work from a coffee shop. The launch is tomorrow, and honestly I’m really chill. Like no type of urgency whats so ever. I have things I need to get done, but I’m convinced they’ll get done, so actually being slow about it and trying not to work myself up or get too annoyed. I was trying to find my peace.

While I was at the coffee shop, I saw something that helped me.
- Anxiety is just overthinking and preparing. 90% of the stuff doesn’t even come true.
- But my current self will never be prepared because I’m not supposed to face the problem yet, and when I am, like I said before God gives an extra boost of strength when it’s time.
- You truly always have the power to face whatever comes your way because god gives you that power.

I still don’t know how I endured so much with my mom being sick last year. The version of me 2 years ago definitely didn’t have the strength to, neither does the version of me right now. But the version of me last year did because that’s the version that had to go through it. I keep saying this but literally it did feel like god/universe was with me the whole time. I was the most alone I’ve ever been but at the same time felt the least alone.

The version of me right now can’t even imagine taking care of kids. But I know when the time comes, God will give me the strength.

So again, what’s the point of overthinking and over-preparing for the worst when literally nothing is in my hand. My strength capabilities will change and so will the circumstances.

And somewhere these journals have expedited my growth because now I look at each day in life as a new lesson to learn, and new topic to unfold. It helps me unravel my daily lessons instead of festering in things that don’t make sense.

I had a crash nap again, but managed to still get my steps in. Really trying to figure out how to fix my sleep schedule and just not nap.

Decided I really just need to show up as my future self. I need to force myself to wake up early no matter what to get things done. It really is as simple as flip of a switch.

If I can’t do it now, that means I’m not ready. I need to prove to the universe I’m ready.

Intuiton - I need to fight my health issues right now.

7/10 - Annoyed with the lack of energy. I feel like my days just fly by working + steps. I can barely do anything else.

Energy:
40% - Not giving a care about anything
20% - Annoyed with my health
20% - Tried to stay discliped
20% - Tired