3/24 - Nothing can influence people that love you.
I got myself to wake up early because I asked myself “Do I want my dreams or not? Or do I want to take the easy way out and sleep? Because the version of me that has my dreams, definitely would not be sleeping. She would busting her ass while being in peace.”
Got to the gym, and my other friend J asked me if I was okay with contributing for another friend’s bridal shower gift. The one whose wedding was a mayham. Like why wouldn’t I be? This got me overthinking and my insecurities with this friend came out. I started panicking that this friend was turning my best friend against me and that this always happens. All my insecurities came to surface. And I started getting frustrated, but calmed myself down reminding myself that anyone that knows my hearts knows I had no mal intent. And if they could be influenced, they weren’t my people to begin with.
I had to release myself from the anxiety of feeling like I was going to lose all my friends because this person would “win”. And the craziest thing happened, my best friend that I thought I lost, texted me.
She basically said there’s no one that could influence her because she loves me. She just thought I needed the space, and then when I sent a passive text, she got angry and needed time to understand how I was feeling but also be transparent on how she was drowning/depressed.
I instantly started sobbing at the gym and literally ran out. Because I really thought I lost her and the only thing that was keeping me going was the faith that there was something I needed to learn from this. That I was going to be okay.
I kid you not it literally felt like I heard back from the LOML after years. Like the message I’ve been waiting for. Funny thing is we’ve only not talked to each other for like a month and half. But it felt so long lololol.
I thought I went through a breakup, while literally being single.
But now - questions. My intuition was sooo convinced she was going to be out of my life for a season. Like the overthinking really was backed by intuition, but clearly it was wrong.
Clearly I was overthinking this whole time and just made stories in my head.
I feel conflicted because sometimes I do things just because my “intuition” tells me to. How do I know when to take action? How do I know the difference between intuition and overthinking?
Literally thought friend J convienced M that I was overreacting at the wedding.
Also, I launched our new campaign today, so woke up early for that as well. I have no clue what’s going on as far as results, doesn’t seem like a lot but I’m hoping my love and energy is poured through and people see it. I’m also trying not to have too many high unrealistic expectations. I have to remember this is similar to launching a new business. Progress will be slow.
Anyways, after work and a nap, I went to walmart to go pick up my friend’s cake and it was so bad that I had to tell them to add more decorations to it.
Also went to my friends house that texted earlier in the day and we just talked everything out. It all just felt like a huge misunderstanding. She was telling me about how much she was struggling.
Although now I think my other friend is upset because she thinks I’m going to replace her.
9/10 - Thankful to have my best friend back
Intuition - My other friend just needs love, and honestly I just need to assume the best to get over my head.
Energy:
90% - crying
10% - figuring out what life is
