4/13 - Using fear for good to start action
Okay this might seem silly, but a couple of months ago, I started my blog by using fear. My mom had gotten covid and after being sick for long, I needed a reason to turn that perspective around.
1st - To force us to move
2nd - Show me I needed to break up
3rd - Needed something… so I convinced myself it was to start my blog because that’s what was on my mind at that time.
And that fear is the exact discipline that kept me going, especially in the initial days. I forced myself saying if I took even a one day gap my mom was going to get sick again.
And this time I need to create fear to keep my content going. Which is true, literally I can’t stop. I’m never going to be at peace. I know it. I literally just have no option, and now I’m convincing myself, that I’ll lose money any day I don’t post. And everyone knows how much I love money, so this itself is a solid fear for me.
If I think about it, this was the same logic I used to excel at work because I knew if I overachieved, I would lose my job. The fear of being broke got me figure out everything from nothing.
That being said, I did draft up some voice overs and two articles, just need to record now.
We also deep-cleaned my whole room today, and I even recorded bits and parts of it for content.
The girl who got married is having her bridesmaid dinner today, and I said no to going just because I needed space from the friend group. Honestly it had nothing to really do with her. Last week was just a lot.
But I can’t help but feel a bit weird. I 100% know I made the right decision and the way the rest of my day went was so much peace but it was also the first time I chose myself simply because I wanted to.
I wondered what they were thinking, if they truly enjoyed their time without me, and if yes, am I the problem in the friend group?
I did leave my house with my mom to get things done just so they didn’t see my location at home. We went to go put up the HH ratio flyers at coffee shops, and then randomly decided to go to a family members house. For dinner we had pequods. My fav as always.
Ngl I wasn’t 100% stress free, but I was happy. Mom and I had a great time together.
And then I came home and tried to record content + voice overs. Need to edit and add all the affects tomorrow, so let’s see how it the end products look like tomorrow.
I also messaged my old neighbor back to see if she can make content for Dil Mil. I know she needs a job, and I just hope she sends back good content, so I can hire her.
Anyways, I’m exhausted. Sadly didn’t get my 10k steps today, but I tried.
8/10 - Happy with my decision but not going was in the back of my head, especially after seeing everyone’s bridesmaid boxes.
Intuition - I did the right thing. It’s okay to need space, and sometimes setting a boundary can feel strange. Also using fear for good is a good thing.
Energy:
30% - Cleaning
30% - Discipline for content/goals
10% - Trying to avoid the feeling of me not going
30% - Enjoying my time with mom
