10/20 - fully letting go one person at a time.

Today, I woke up and had a crying session. I had a dream about V, honestly, I don’t even remember what it was. But I know some part of me wasn’t able to fully let go of him too, so after my crying session, I wrote a letter to him. All good things. Almost making peace with my past with him. Until he got engaged this year, some part of me always wondered if I had made a mistake. But that’s on nights where my brain and fear takes over. In my heart, I know I didn’t. I know he wasn’t my person but I think just not being able to forgive myself has created a limiting belief of not being able to fully let go.

Honestly, I’m one of those people that doesn’t care about having too many friends. But loves the few friends I have, so once I fully let someone into my life, it’s hard for me to just forget them. Especially someone that I literally lived with for a whole year and was just a crucial part of how my life is shaped now.

The letter was needed. I think letting go takes time, but at the end of my healing I want to fully let go of everyone. I need to, I think that’s the one thing that’s been reoccurring for me as something I need to address. I need to fully make way for someone new.

But honestly, right now, I’m happy. Even today I was reflecting on some of my happiest memories have actually been with myself not having to worry about if someone else is okay. Even while writing this, I shed a tear just because of how thankful I am right now.

10/10 - Filled with gratitude and peace.