10/19 - Boundaries & energy
I talked about this with my friend M a couple of months ago, but I’m convinced that the factor that creates an anxious attachment is when you let someone overstep your boundaries. Until then, you just don’t care because you’re going with the flow but once someone oversteps your boundary and more importantly you let them, you then get super anxious on proving YOURSELF right that letting them overstep your boundary was a good decision. And that’s when you have something to lose, your self-diginity, and that’s when you become anxious.
So moral of the story. Don’t let anyone step on your boundary. Because if you lose them, they weren’t your person to begin with. And if you don’t lose them then, your anxious attachment style will kick in, your energy will chance, and that’s how you’ll lose them. Overall, there is no win. You’ll lose them regardless, might as well save yourself the turmoil of having an anxious attachment style and being mad at yourself. And more so, it actually has nothing to do with them.
And on top of that, energy. 'I’ve always been the person to be like “yeah, I’m down” because the most fun I’ve had is when I didn’t want to do something, didn’t expect anything out of it, and it ends up being the best time of my life. So I am a YOLO person. Where I just say Yes to things.
But I’m recently learning to say no to people. People that just make me comfortable. I honestly don’t need to keep trying. I need to protect my energy. The more I give to things that fill my cup, the happier I will be.
I’ve been distracting myself from a friend. Idk whenever I hang out with her, it just drains my energy. But she’s not a bad friend or anything. Our energies just aren’t aligned at the moment. So I just need space from her for a bit, nothing about cutting the friendship overall. She hasn’t done anything like that. And I’m realizing it’s OKAY to distance yourself from people just because your energies aren’t aligning. They can still be good. They don’t have to do anything bad for you to distance yourself.
Besides these reflections, today was a wholesome day and just spent it with my mom running errands.
9/10 - Peaceful, even though I did feel a little slow
