10/27 - Homebody me vs. party me
This weekend, I did feel a slight bit of fomo with all the Halloween pictures and parties. My friend from SF has been telling me about her Halloween party too, and honestly, part of me couldn’t help but miss that part of my life. Dressing up and going to a Halloween party with friends. It’s not like I was home, I did go to a pumpkin farm with M and we had fun, but I kind of miss the partying tbh.
Idk if it’s coming from a place of depriving myself for too long? Idk if I should just stay strong?
Long-term - I’ve always wanted to be someone who is more wholesome, doesn’t drink, prioritized health and fitness. So I do feel like I’m super close to the future me version BUT I can’t help but miss old me a bit.
Like it’s weird. I don’t want to drink. But I want to drink at the same time. So I feel a little torn between future me and old me.
Does future me have room to have old me in it? What’s the balance for this?
I don’t just want a NY lifestyle where I’m eating out all weekend, going to the club every weekend, house parties any day of the week. Just spending so much and not saving anything or growing. Like a NY life feels a lot to me.
Right now, I feel like I live a suburban life. Where it’s doing wholesome things with friends here and there but mainly sticking to my routine, errands, family time, and a lot of time with myself.
I can’t tell if I just need to delete my social media and maybe I’m feeling fomo cause it feels like other people are having the best time of their lives and I”m not? I wonder if I would feel this without social media. But at the same time, it’s so contradictory to what I said last week about being active on social media and not giving a shit about what anyone thinks.
Or should I actually lean a little more towards trying to find a balance? Like should I casually start drinking again? or make plans to go out? I’m actually afraid I won’t like it. Like I’ll be mad at myself for taking a sip.
Maybe it’s not the alcohol I miss and it’s just the partying? Like should I try going out and just not drink and see if I still have a good time?
Idk.. I kind of actually feel really confused on the lifestyle I want. Maybe I’m not ready for a homebody lifestyle?
On the other hand, today was more of an unwinding day! 15k steps, errands, went to the urgent care for my cough, cleaned around the house.
7/10 - feeling confused
