11/6 - Election day
Before I wrote yesterday’s journal I was pretty nonchalant and just accepted the fact that whatever happens happens. Because it’s definitely beyond my control. But then I called M and we talked about it. The next 4 years are actually crucial for us, half of my friends are probably going to be pregro. Maybe me. What if I need IVF? It kind of hit me how if trump won a lot of things my might change, so I ended up actually going to bed worked up over it.
And as soon as I woke up in the morning, I just knew. I had a pit in my stomach. I checked my phone and I was right. Trump won. It just feels scary to know that the law really isn’t in checks and balances. People like Trump can do whatever they want, get away with it, and become president again.
The crazy part to all of this was that I spoke at North Park today (where I graduated from). It almost felt like a full circle. 8 years ago I was on campus when he was elected, and again I came back to the same place. Overall, I was surprised to see the turn out. I really thought it was going to get canceled today.
I was a little nervous while speaking but things I said really stuck with people, so maybe I thought I was worse than I actually was. After the panel, we broke up into smaller groups and I was answering some questions. One of the girls asked me about what if your advisor doesn’t believe in you and I told her you don’t know what’s going on in the other’s person’s life. If they’re channeling negativity, it’s a projection of them. Don’t let them determine your future and honestly it seemed like she was really appreciative of the answer.
After the event, I went to go see my finance professor. He was actually at the event briefly and told me to stop by, so I caught up with him. Honestly, for me, I actually thought HE never believed in me. So it was nice to go back to the same person and speak with such confidence. To what I was telling the other girl, it was almost my “f u” moment.
Overall, today was a bit draining but definitely needed these two mental health days. Feel much more refreshed to go back to work tomorrow. Don’t really feel that bitter anymore. Which goes to my point from yesterday, always take some time to balance yourself.
As far as the election - I think I’m back to being like whatever happens happens. There’s no point of worrying about things out of my control.
Speaking at the event today also got me a little more inspired to practice my speaking skills, so I decided I’m going to record a video of myself everyday to improve. Adding that to my routine.
9/10 - Felt like a good closure to my mental health days. Feeling at peace and not really overwhelmed anymore.
