11/9 - Creating a home instead of house
Honestly, I was on a role today. Hit 22k steps, did some at home yoga, ate healthy, went shopping, got a little treat, put up a Christmas tree, watched a whole movie, and forced myself to sit and write some healing entries. Tbh I feel like I did it all today and had a super productive Saturday.
On my walk today, I ended up walking to Ross and got myself a dress and they walked to Dunkin to get some coffee. I was honestly so exhausted and hungry that I needed energy to walk 40 minutes back home.
On my way home, I did start having some anxiety but did some breathing exercises and brought myself back to be emotionally regulated by reminding myself “it’ll all work out”. I genuinely do believe it will and am just soaking in all the peace in my life with gratitude.
Cam back home and did some yoga to help further destress and then ate lunch and walked some more while watching a movie on netflix. The movie was about domestic violence, so I did slightly get in my feels about it reminding myself never to put anyone above myself.
After dinner, mom and I put up our Christmas tree. I’ve been a little afraid to admit this but somehow Diwali and Christmas just felt homier in my old house. It’s almost like all the clutter made it a home, along with years of memories. I almost refused to admit this because I hated my old home and couldn’t wait to get out of there and of course my new home is much more asteticasly pleasing but I can’t help but miss my old home a bit. I felt the same during Diwali too. And I’m more than grateful for my new home and its memories. The crazy part is the people are the same. Like it’s my mom and I in both places, so why does the old home feel better. It can’t just be the clutter. It almost feels like that home had years of love in it. This home, especially the living room feels a bit too perfect. It’s missing just random things that bring joy.
For now, lol, I feel like I still need to enjoy some time of no clutter after living in clutter all my life. Who knows maybe I’ll get used to it in a bit or maybe I will introduce more family things in the living room. I need to add a painting in my room, and initially I was going to go with something abstract to match the asthetics, but maybe more is right, but I need something that’s truly just going to make me happy.
After the Christmas tree, I literally locked myself on my desk, and wrote a couple of healing entries until my brain couldn’t function. Honestly, the fact that I write everything by add makes it feel even more special. It’s like I get to see progress of all my work. Only a couple more to go.
7/10 - Trying to find strength in the chaos by just truly believing it’ll all work out
