2/27 - How to be the chooser

Late last night I realized that until now, I kept seeing videos on to really manifest your person, you need to make a detailed list of just know exactly what you want in your person. 

And honestly I don’t think that’s ever worked for me or that’s when things get messed up. 

Because sure I make a list and then when I start seeing signs on how this person can things from my list, I start liking them more than the natural flow. I start idealizing them and completely let go of my identity because I’m convinced that’s my dream person since they match the qualities I want  (or even show that they have those qualities) and that’s when I lose myself and things go wrong. This also keeps the focus on them, instead of me. 

Instead, now I’m going to be focusing on how I want to feel in my dream relationship.

This keeps the focus on me so I do constant check ins with myself and don’t feel shook when they completely change, neither am I waiting on anyone. Like if I feel stressed, no question, this isn’t my person. 

The narrative needs to change from “ohh is this guy family oriented? He must be as he loves to spend time with his mom and help her” and instead “do I feel like this person is respecting my mom and treating her like his own mom, do I feel at peace seeing them together or do I feel anxiety?”

In this scenario, I don’t care about trying to find/detect characterists that would try to match my list so I ultimately get someone that can be a part of my family.

I let it play out and if it gets to that point, i see how I AM FEELING. Am I feeling at peace?

Like i don’t care about him. I keep the attention with check-ins on me. And this is how I don’t lose myself or over-compromise.

Mom and I went to an appointment today, and then just came home to clean. Today felt like a day to just slow down a bit. I still need to get things, but I also want to take the time to make this list of what I want to feel.