3/1 - Grounding & is detachment really the key?

I woke up today, realizing it was a free weekend - no set plans. And I haven’t had one of those in a while, so just felt thankful to be able to just wake up and decide without anyone influencing my decision. There’s noone’s opinions I care about. And that meant a lot because at one point I clearly remember when I was dating J, I would try filling my weekends with fun things/drinking just to seem cool. The reality was that I saw him starting to get disinterested and thought maybe If I started doing things he liked doing, he would be interested again. Another reason why I refuse to date Geminis now. I LOVE routine and peace and they think it’s boring, which is all in theory like “just do you and whatever is meant for you will stay” but when you’re deep in feelings and dating, you care about the relationship and not having to start over again more. That’s the point you lose yourself because of course when it’s new you don’t care and choose yourself more. Anyways, just taking a second to reflect on this felt refreshing. Like wow, I’m finally in a place where I love my life. Even friends. I don’t even care about my friends seeing me at home on find my friends. At one point I did. At one point, I was ashamed to say “I was busy” when I was at home. Now, I don’t care because I truly am busy becoming the best version of myself, whether it’s working, manifesting, spending time with my mom, or even taking care of my health.

Anyways, I knew I wanted to get some writing done. I’ve been thinking about a lot the past two days to the point where I don’t even think I have one lesson of the day. I have sooo many. And was still recovering from all the Chinese food from yesterday, so I know I needed to move by body. It was too cold to go walk outside, so decided to go to Yoga and then a coffee shop to write.

While getting ready, I was running late, so I decided to shower in my guest bathroom for the first time. lol tbh it felt like I was on vacation in my own house because of course I love my other bathroom too, but this was new. Until now, I’ve been so scared to get attached to my house because until now I told myself that okay whatever happens you have 1 year for sure. In a sense of stability, I was like I have the funds for at least year with or without a job/income. I was scared to get attached because I was scared that it could be ripped away from me any minute and I would be devasted. I was trying to stay detached. But honestly, I’m actually challenging the narrative now that detachment is the key. When you love something, you believe its yours. It’s a part of you, and it’s meant for you. You accept it as your reality.

I’ve lived in a shitty house all my life to the point where a dream home didn’t feel like “mine”. But after renewing, now it does. I’m accepting this is mine, which is why I feel more comfortable exploring every part of it and loving it. Getting attached to it. Giving energy to it to blossom and grow. That’s the one thing I mentioned that holidays at my old house felt better because I felt love there, this home feels like peace but the love is missing. My love was missing. And not in the sense of weather I love the place or not. I do. But my love and my feeling of belonging of this is my house. Diwali at my house.

That’s why this shower felt different. I was showering in my home. That belongs to me. Detachment will happen when it needs to. And I finally think I’m answering the question I asked months ago. How can you love someone if you’re trying to stay detached.

You love without gripping to them. You love while holding their hand. Because they’re a part of you, and detachment is believing they will be a part of your no matter what. You don’t need to grip.

My home is mine, no one can take that away from me.

But that’s the very thing that’s stopping my abundance. Rich people don’t think their dream home will be ripped away from them. They think it’s a part of them.

Until now, I still feel a scarcity mindset somewhere where I feel like if I make the wrong financial decisions, I could lose everything I’ve saved for my whole life. But wealth is a part of me. I imagine an outer circle around my aura that includes wealth like it’s attracted to me no matter what.


I also realized that even if I achieved everything I wanted to achieve, I’d still be exactly where I am right now because there is nothing in my life that I’m doing that I don’t love.

I saw people I know posting on their Instagram of going to an EDC concert, or traveling, and honestly no part of me had fomo. No part of me was like wow they’re so cool. But once upon a time ago, that same thing would make me jealous. I would think they were so lucky, and now I’m like been there done that. Fortunately, I could go if I wanted to.

Now a days, I’m more intrigued by people that are chasing their dreams, whether they are aren’t successful yet. They’re putting in the work, they’re staying disciplined, they are choosing to better themselves

I came to a coffee shop to work on my journaling, and people who are looking to open a coffee shop were sitting in front of me. They were observing the machines, talking about the furniture, and just business talk. I didn’t even have this happen to me when I was in SF and that’s the hub of business conversations in a coffee shop.

All I kept running into were people that worked in tech because I was working in tech.

You’re truly a magnet. If you want something, you have to become it first.

Later that night, my parents and I went back and forth on this whole arrange guy. It was a lot. Part of me kept fighting to give him at least one shot and the other part of me just knew he wasn’t my person. But then my parents said no, so I finally made peace with it and decided okay I’m just going to listen to my parents and if he’s meant for me, he’ll come any way.

7/10 - Felt thankful the first half, but too mentally draining

Intuition - Letting him go is the right thing but literally I’m avoiding it.