3/14 - The Public Eye
Last night was the eclipse and as much as I tried to go to bed early, I literally just couldn’t and around the eclipse timing I had the urge to really change my IG Bio. At first, I was drafting it and then I was just like f it, and decided to change it as someone I wanted to be known as. I literally wrong writer too. And honestly this was such an internal battle because part of me was like who do I think I am, the other part of me was trying to procastinate and be like ohh I’ll do it after I start creating content on Tiktok, and then the urging part of me was screaming “NO ONE CARES!” literally just change it. No single person cares what you write. It’s your IG bio, and that’s when it hit me that I need to be ready to go in the public eye.
I’ve been jealous at my coworker because part of me is like I am soooo much more talent than her, why doesn’t anyone find me? But then I realized literally I act like no one should find me.
People that are known have a social brand presence, and my aura is hidden, so of course I’m not going to get any other freelance work. I need to show up as an expert too. Even though it feels a bit like LinkedIn. It is what is it.
Due to not being able to sleep, I literally have the biggest headache in the morning and just couldn’t function, so I had to call my mom an uber instead. Got up and then started working. Surprisingly was pretty productive at work.
Also realized I might just have allergies instead of actually having a cold, so need to take a bendryl tonight.
My mom went to the mandir today for Holi, so was at home and decided to edit the rest of my pictures from my photoshoot.
Later at night had a moment with one of my friends and realized that the only thing that’s keeping me stuck from being private is actually my current environment and the people I’m surrounded with. In the marketing world, making your IG your personal brand is actually really normal. Those are the same people that get creative work because they have that brand aura. No one private is well-known, so it’s the battle of sheding my current environment. If I was in LA or SF, this is actually beyond normal.
And just normalizing it all gave me a lot of courage and made me feel less like I’m being extra. If anything I’m just embracing my marketing creative identity and letting go of my Chicago identity. Out of nowhere also had an appreciation moment for moving because I would have never gotten this perspective if I didn’t live in another place. Staying in the same place your whole life really just have an invisible prison on you because you’re shaped by the thoughts of your upbringing instead of your dreams.
Also saw 11:11 after so many days because gave me even more courage and validation that I need to shed this old identity.
9/10 - Very productive and mellow day
Intution - Need to shed my Chicago identity that’s holding me down. I’m a creative in the industry.
