3/17 - Trust your intuition
I was right about St.Patrick’s Day! So randomly I was scrolling on IG and from the club’s account that I was going to go to, I saw the person I was definitely not supposed to see. And this guy was friends with the host, who I was supposed to meet, so I would have definitely ran into him. When I tell you this is the last person I ever want to run into, and am so happy I didn’t end up going right when I saw the video.
I’m sure the universe tried saving me from seeing multiple people which is why at that point, God’s probably like okay I’m just going to make her sick so she physically can’t go.
But very crazy to think my intuition really was right and the universe really did save me from seeing this person that I literally haven’t seen in 5 years and have cut off all communication with to the point they’re blocked everywhere.
The timing for this is interesting because I was literally crashing out last night and just crying from being so overwhelmed with the N situation. I know what’s meant for you will never miss you, but in my opinion, making the wrong decision can tell the universe that you’re not ready and can push your blessings down a couple of years.
So ultimately I do believe in wrong choices, and just that itself is very overwhelming. I have two situations with them.
1. Where my intuition still tells me N is my person, but only a healed version of him. Realistically him actually changing is bat shit crazy and honestly changes are like 1%. Just thinking of it as a possibility makes me feel crazy and delusional. But for some reason, my heart keeps going there.
2. I need to forget about N and move the F on. The more I think about N the further I’m pushing my actual person. Because I really can’t be with someone else if I even think there’s still a possibility with N. From experience, it’s just setting the new relationship up with failure.
Regardless, whether it’s #1 or #2, it’s not happening if my dreams aren’t being worked on. Because ONLY the version of me that is following her dreams has her person, and I refuse to believe anything otherwise.
Point is…. I need to really accelerate my dreams first, and get to that version that can even have someone. And just flow. Literally option 1 or 2 is going to come with the answer naturally.
I need to stop being so desperate to know the ultimate answer, and just trust that even if I make a mistake i’ll be okay. I need to release the pressure from it and trust. And for now, just stay laser focused on my dreams and forget guys altogether because again literally I’m not even at the version that I want to be.
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Anyways, today needed to get a lot done but tried not thinking too much about it and just moving. It really is the overthinking about the tasks that causes anxiety.
Yesterday, I oiled my hair so today was hair wash today and tried styling my hair with my dyson. Figuring out the whole blowout situation is literally on my goal list because I need to have my hair on point at all times, so tried with hairspray this time. It still looks super puffy because I didn’t really blowdry it first, but I guess it still works and doesn’t look terrible.
Also had a conversation with my boss today and literally just having calls with him is getting annoying. Very underpromising. A couple of days ago I decided I was going to move like I already was promoted but honestly no. Because why? lolol
I’m going to move like I’m quitting end of May - July because I have the privilege to do so and because everything I want will come to me. Even the feature I’m working on right now, will be my last bang that I’m walking out with as a case study. Also, talked about all this with a friend today.
8/10 - Very chill day and somehow it flew by
Intuition - I need to stop focusing on finding the answer
