3/20 - I finally posted!
Last night, I got everything ready to post my photoshoot pictures because I was determined, and even set up an alarm for 9am to make sure it happens.
As soon as I posted, I checked my texts and saw my friend sent a message in the group chat telling us that her and her boyfriend broke up! Ngl the whole group has been waiting for this break-up for months. Nothing was really wrong with them, but we just knew he wasn’t her person, so at this point we were just waiting for the day she just can’t take his shit anymore and just pulls the trigger. Because the longer she waits, the more time she was wasting.
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Anyways, as soon as I posted, I was soooooooooo proud of myself. I did it. Literally no one knows how hard it actually was for me to post. And the love started pouring in, more than I had ever expected.
Part of me was also hyped up that lolol my boss is probably rolling in his grave to cause he messed with the wrong person. I can make anything happen. I’m genuinely that girl. lmfao I hope he’s scared and “feels” I’m about to leave, not only that but I’m about to start a revolution and inspire everyone else to leave too. He does not know me.
I literally feel the power within my pictures.
Also, lololol all my exes are about to roll in their grave because this spark can never be taken away. It’s fueled 100% by me.
Thinking about my coworkers and everyone messaging me, I felt inspired to put up a follow-up post that showed the “real” side and behind the scenes. People see me right now and are probably like wth where did come from. I want them to know where it came from and inspire them. Just like I inspired my laser girly.
The post draft:
I probably thought 2738 times before I posted my photoshoot pictures on my feed yesterday. Even this feels like a lot. Ngl there’s a part of me that’s like who cares lol? But recently I’ve randomly had conversations with people who are on the same boat, people who I would have never in a million years thought might be feeling the same. And any time someone posts something authentic, I get inspired. I care.
Before posting yesterday, I couldn’t help but think if people would wonder “who does she think she is”. Especially after living in environments that don’t really support “social media culture”.
Although SF is filled with creatives, they usually let their dreams take a back seat because they’re supposed to stay focused on grinding and people in Chicago live a somewhat private life. And of course South Asians don’t post anything private unless you’re an influencer, because they’re scared of nazer. There’s really no space for people in between anymore. Anyone in between is either labeled as “trying to be an influencer” or an attention seeker.
But girlhood came through and poured more love than I could’ve imagined. And really showed me I need to stop staying small.
I know I’m meant to live a big life because I have big dreams and it’s time to embrace it. It’s time to unapologetically take up space. And even beyond that, anyone that knows me knows I’ve always had a big personality, so what’s the point of staying small?
Backstory on the pictures, lol I did the photoshoot in my living room with my best friend who has zero camera experience with a camera my mom got me for my 16th birthday that I haven’t really touched in years.
I had these images on my vision board, and just knew I couldn’t just “wait” to make the pictures come true. I needed to step up, whatever size step it was going to be, I still needed to take it. I needed to break out of my comfort zone and just embrace my audacity.
So I messaged my best friend at 1am to ask if she could take pictures of me. Without a hesitation, she said yes without judging. What I thought was going to be a normal 10 minute thing because I didn’t want to be much of an “inconvience” ended up being a whole photoshoot because she feed it.
The first picture was taken 8 months ago for a work photoshoot. There was no practice no other photoshoot in between (besides the obvious weight change). The only thing that really changed this time was my confidence and audacity.
I did the photoshoot for myself, as a pick me up. And even after I loved the pictures, I kept going back and forth about posting. Why? Because I’m supposed to be grinding and staying private. Thoughts that were secretly instilled in me from my environments. Plus, it’s not like I’m a model that’s trying to “market” my work, so felt like there was no real need for posting.
But I said no. I’m going to do it, simply because I want to do it. And girlhood really showed up and just showed unwavering support to “take space” and just literally do whatever i wanted to do.
Anyways - this is your sign to do things on your vision board without a purpose, stop feeling like you need to stay “small” and really trust your girls/community to show up when you need them because just know when you decide to take that first step with your whole heart, the universe will help you take a leap. ❤️
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It also finally makes sense why I had that conversation with my laser tech a couple of days ago. Right now, I keep going back and forth on if I should post the behind the scenes story. Like who cares? The only thing that’s keeping me going right now is that literally she cared. And I reality changed her whole perspective just by sharing my story. Someone who I thought would never feel this way, felt that way. So there has to be more people that feel this as well. I HAVE to share this story. I can’t stop now. I’m doing this for her. Ngl, Idk if it’d be strong enough to post right now and be vulnerable if I didn’t have that conversation. There’s a part of me that’s like okay cool you posted the pictures, but now I feel like I really need to share the story too.
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On the other note, although I’m happy my friend’s relationship ended because I can’t wait for her transformation and just know she’s about to be a whole baddie, I know how hard break-ups are. They literally feel like the end of the world. So wanted to be there for her as well. My friend and I decided to go visit her. I tried making brownies but they failed lol so we just ended up taking a care package and taco bell, and just dropped it off. I genuinely can’t wait for her to get her spark back.
Also today is the start to spring and really just feel like a whole new beginning.
Intuition - Still need to stay strong and remember people care, so I need to keep going and posting the real side on social media. People need it. There are people waiting to be inspired by me. This is my true alignment, I feel it.
10/10 - My heart feels so full. And I can finally say that after 8 months, I’ve fully gotten my spark back. Everything from the past couple of months all makes sense. Everything that’s ever happened to me makes sense. And I just know the universe truly is having my back right now. I literally feel it in my soul.
