9/29 - In shock

I think after yesterday, I’m still somewhat in shock that getting engaged isn’t going to solve my problems. Live still goes on. I know it seems like duhh but I think subconsciously I always thought it meant that I was no longer alone. I had someone else to share all my problems with. But that’s not the reality because if I’m working on emotional regulation, I still feel the same even after getting engaged.

And after realizing that, I’ve been getting extreme anxiety over it. Like I have soo much more that I want to accomplish in life before being someone’s wife or finance.

So today felt a bit blah. I went to the farmer’s market in the morning and got a couple of things but honestly felt like indulging a sweets a bit. I didn’t feel like my productive self today. I was just home, sleeping, cleaning and eating.

It felt like a self care day but also a day to just mute out the noise. I think I was trying to be there for my mom a bit more today.

7/10 - Feeling a little lost but found at the same time.