10/7 - Feeling scared
Yesterday:
So after I wrote the journal, I ended up doing even more random things! I was on my way to walk to Shukette but caught myself in the middle of a Japanese fest (it was giving farmer’s market vibes) and still had some time before Shukette opened, so decided to check that out. Not going to lie, I totally thought I was going to run into J’s roommate. I didn’t end up trying anything just because it was all meet, so walked all of the Japanese fest and then made my way to Shukette.
That’s when I passed by another hotel I stayed in NY the first time I came on a work trip. N stayed with me that weekend. And that’s when it hit me, that I was literally passing by every place in NY slowly that I’ve created memories with another man to time stamp my own memory. And this point I still thought no way… even though I literally passed by every place I’ve stayed in New York in the span of one day.
When I got to Shukette, I sat by the bar and started chatting with the bartender. THIS WAS MY FIRST MEAL THAT I’VE EVER HAD AT A RESTAURANT ALONE! and for some reason, I always thought it would be super awkward but it wasn’t at all. If anything I had sooo much fun. I was just doing my thing, talking to bartender, people watching, etc. Honestly, if anything, I feel more awkward going with someone else and feeling like I have to keep the conversation going. I always feel that with a boyfriend. It just feels so awkward because you have nothing left to talk about since you talk all day. But this was fun. I was at peace. Didn’t feel like I needed to entertain anyone. NOTHING. And the dips at Shukette were good. I wouldn’t say it’s something I’d come back for but it was good. I’m happy that was my first meal memory though. Ohh, and I also got a cute mocktail. I can’t believe I haven’t had alcohol in almost 3 months. This might actually be the longest lapse.
After that, I decided to walk all the way to the hotel to burn my meal off. I was soo full that I was still debating if I was going to go to Adel's Famous Halal Food Cart or not, but just decided to play it by ear. Once I got to the hotel, I decided to check out the rooftop bar. I was only going to get a drink if I was feeling the vibes up there, but I wasn’t, so I decided to go back down and charge my phone before I went to Adel’s. Decided, I could just eat it at the airport if i got hungry.
Took some pictures of my photobooth pictures, and then walked to Adel’s. Again, I started slowly passing by literally everything I’ve been to. The six broadway. Mangolia Bakery. Radio City. EVEN J’s apartment. like that’s crazy. I truly believe it was the universe telling me that I needed to recreate my own memories with New York.
Anyways, I got to Adel’s cart and he still wasn’t there. I was waiting in line for 40 minutes and that’s when he posted on IG saying he was running late. The guy in front of me asked me if I’ve ever had it before and that’s when we became friends! I mean like I don’t know his name but I told him I was going to the airport and that if he doens’t show up in 5 minutes I might have to leave. AND lol that’s when my flight got delayed, we were laughing about how it was in my destiny to get Adel’s. And literally that’s what ended up happening. He came on time, they split the line, and the stranger even let me cut him. i literally got my food the minute I needed to leave to the airport. It was almost a fun guessing game to the point where I didn’t even care if I was going to get the food or not. It was like a destiny thing. Will I or will i not get it. I’m pretty sure the guy would have asked for my number but lolol I think he saw my “ring”. Even though he wasn’t my type. I actually forgot I was wearing it.
After that I got to the hotel, took the train to the airport and made it on time for me to eat my adel’s and then board.
My New York trip was literally soooooooo good! and everything I could have asked for or even more that I literally thought I was going to die on the way home. That’s how skeptical I was. I was almost scared to say my trip went well or literally I had the best time ever by MYSELF.
But I made it home safely and was just thankful. I didn’t even up seeing J even though I was a block away from him, which proves my point that you don’t meet people once their role in your life is over. And I’m so happy I got to rewrite New York for myself. It truly felt like a redemption trip and just a full-on closure trip.
Yesteday - 10000/10
Today:
lol I was just resting and working and sleeping. I didn’t leave my house at all. BUT my mom did cut my fingers while cutting bread, so got scared. I’m reminding myself that’s just an accident and it has nothing to do with my New York trip. I can’t be like “ohh something so good happened, that’s why something bad happened”. I need to remind myself not to correlate and to keep my emotions regulated so that whatever is meant to happen will happen. I know God is protecting me and my family. I deserve all the good in the world. I DESERVE to have all my dreams completed. My mom did not get hurt because of me. I DESERVE AND ARE MEANT to live the best life ever.
Today - 9/10 - Happy but reminding myself to stay strong and not collerate.
