10/13 - gave someone the link!
Finally sharing Dil Diaries with the world! I’ve told friends here and there but never gave anyone the link. I just didn’t know how I would feel if I knew someone was actually reading. I wanted it be a place where I just wrote what I wanted to write without caring about what people would think and I just hope to stay true to that.
Shoutout to Keney if you’re reading this! Giving her the link today only felt right. The inspiration actually came from her and haha I’m glad I was able to tell her that live today. I remember randomly signing up for her newsletter and slowly reading her blog emails whenever she would send them. At that point, I actually didn’t even talk to her. I just knew of her but didn’t know her on a personal level. Reading her newsletter almost humanized her, where even someone I barely knew had such interesting outlooks in life. I liked reading her outlooks. At that time i was much younger, so it almost felt like letters from an older sister. Up until that point, I had only known the world through TV and parents. She gave the outlook of someone that was just like me but a couple of years older. And sure there were bloggers and stuff but those people were almost like “stars”. Keney was a normal person writing thoughts on how she was navigating life. Her blog was also pre TikTok era where everything on IG was staged.
And that’s where the inspiration for this comes from too. Honestly, I have no clue what I write half the time but it truly is insights to how I’m navigating life, relationships, breakups, healing.
Besides that - went to another baby shower today and idk for some reason. I just have social anxiety for family gatherings. It might be due to overstimulation where you’re almost supposed to have a quick interaction, so it just all feels like a huge speed dating event. I’m not someone that’s quiet or doesn’t converse. I’m actually pretty social but it doesn’t usually feel like a relaxed interaction and that’s what makes me anxious. like obviously I can’t talk to the host for too long cause she has other people to greet, so even that convo is super rushed and you just don’t know how much time you have. Adding this to the book of things I need to work on but maybe next time I want to talk to someone, I’ll probably sit next to them and just zone out the background noise. I feel like going to a table and standing just makes the whole situation worse and adds to the rush.
After coming home, I decided to build my new desk. Idk if I mentioned this already but I’m changing up my room, feels like it needs new energy. Anyways, it took 2 hours and lol I think I built it wrong because it’s a standing desk and it’s not going up. While I was building it, I was like ugh I wish I had a man that would do this. Literally hate building furniture but that’s when I had to catch myself because expecting someone else to do something for me is going to get me nowhere. For a sec, I was like should I just keep building furniture until I love it? But no. I’m allowed to hate things. I just don’t need to wish my future person will start building furniture for me. I need to continue to treat it like an independent situation. If I really don’t want to build it, I can get a friend to help or hire someone off of task rabbit. Just expecting that this furniture building pain will be over by getting a man is wrong. It’s like him expecting that he won’t have to cook again by getting a woman.
Put a pin on the table situation for now, will revisit tomorrow.
8/10 - social battery was drained but glad to be in bed chilling now.
