10/14 - a day to reset
Took a Benadryl last night to see if that would help with the allergies and honestly I woke up early feeling so refreshed. I’m hoping it resets my sleep schedule to waking up early. But overall, just wanted to spend the day resetting from the weekend and anxiety from the past two weeks at work.
I woke up had my farmer’s market eggs. Something about them. I swear they taste much better than normal eggs. And then headed to a Yoga Yin class. I feel like I needed that session to just slow my body down, mediate and release any stored body trauma. I just feel like I’ve been bottling up a lot of emotions these past few weeks and just brushing them to the side because I’m too lazy to deal with them. And I guess step 1 is releasing those emotions from my body. I really thought I was going to have a crying session at yoga today but nothing came out. I think my body was way too stiff to feel comfortable. TBH I was actually more stressed doing all the poses than I normally am because i body just felt so stuck. I really do need to keep up with the daily stretches.
Anyways, after yoga, I decided to continue my self care day and just go to a coffee shop to journal. A couple of journal prompts came up on my IG feed a couple of weeks ago and I saved them to maybe address them one day. One of the prompts was what were recent situations that made me uncomfortable and that’s when I realized they were all conversations with confident people. I’ve always known that I speak really differently when talking to someone thats confident versus someone that’s shy/insecure. I thrive when talking to shy/insecure people just because I’m not scared and they’re usually slow at answering, so I just say whatever I want to say. With confident people, they’re quick to answer, are very assertive in the way they speak, eye contact is intense, and almost question whatever you say finding holes in whatever theory you claim. And honestly all of it just brings me anxiety. The fast responses make me feel like I have to think super fast. The intense eye contact makes me wonder if they’re starting at something on my face. The questioning of my theories makes me second guess if I’m wrong.
Why is this important to address? Because I’m not emotionally regulated when talking to other confident people and honestly in relationships I like being with people who are shy because I get to be myself but that’s not who I should be with. I need someone confident and knows what they want.
But it’s crazy because I’m the confident one when someone else is shy. So I flipped my thoughts around. Usually even when I’m quick to respond, I don’t mind waiting on the other person to respond. Even when I’m making eye contact I barely notice anything about the person’s appearance. I’m almost faking my eye contact. And when I question their theory, I just want to hear their perspective a bit more, it’s not to prove them wrong.
So using that? How do I communicate with confident people? First of all, I need to always keep in mind I’m nothing less than them. No matter who they are. And I need to take the conversation slowly and be comfortable with the pauses. Keep it at 1 question at a time. Also complimenting them first eases up the tension the assertiveness brings.
So now I just need to practice this a bit more. Because I also think this is holding me back. But I’m still taking this a day at a time and reminding myself that it’s a work in progress and I don’t need to get overwhelmed.
Anyways, after this got chicken wrap. Having chicken after 2 months honestly just hit different. Probably was the highlight of my day.
9/10 - needed this self care day
