11/22 - environment

My mom and I got into a huge fight today. Lately she keeps on bringing up the fact that we should get a house, and I’ve been dismissing it by telling her yeah we’ll see or the time is not right but she keeps on bringing it up.

So today. I blew up on her. I was sooo frustrated that her reasoning was “It's a desire of mine.” and she said it so innocently.

Not thinking the slightest bit on what that would put me through. We would get a house simply because she “wants” it. But everything would fall on me. All the responsibilities. Mortgage. All my savings would be wiped clean making me house poor. Making me freak out about how i’m going to pay for my wedding or how I’m going to take care of her in the future if I’m house poor. What if I lose my job?

For her it was as simple as “oh, it’s my desire” without even thinking of the how bad it would be for me.

If we get a house that we can afford in the city, it’ll be super old, and I would have to spend so much to get it remodeled.

If we get it in the suburbs, I would have to drive her around/we’d be away from everyone and I would have to do everything. House care everything.

More than anything. I would have nothing as a safety net for my future and her future.

To me, it just doesn’t make sense right now. Our current situation makes better sense to me. To me, I was beyond frustrated that she just wasn’t thankful of what she has. Like I’m over here praying for peace and safety, and she’s praying for a house.

But this whole conversion just got me beyond overwhelmed and stressed and just felt so sick.

Besides that - Worked from a coffee shop, found a free really good proposal spot, and went to go help an old roommate move her stuff out while she’s in India. So long day.

5/10 - Exhausted and just angry

Intuition - Feels like I need to learn something here.