12/28 - Solo date and embodying my future at present

Today was my solo date day! I was actually looking forward to this day similar to how I would be excited if I was going on a date with someone else. I woke up, did my makeup, wore a cute outfit in which I felt boujee in, even for booties, and then went to my friend’s house to get an outfit for her sister’s engagement tomorrow.

After getting the outfit, I made my way to downtown to get my haircut/blowout. Having my makeup done really just brings out the filming side to me. And throughout the whole day I kept telling myself that “I am a content creator” “I am a speaker” to really embody and be in character. That’s what also inspired me to take videos throughout my day as pieces of content. My haircut lady was a bit late, so overall everything took way longer than expected, but I did like the cut. I haven’t gotten a haircut in a year and I truly believe that you carry energy in hair, so sitting there watching it be chopped on my solo date day just felt like it made sense because I was getting rid of energy.

Something about a blow out just brought out a whole new level of confidence, the bounce and everything, so recorded a couple of more videos before heading to Cccicio Mio. I’ve been waiting to try this place for a while too, and felt like the intimate setting was a good place to just spend time with myself. This was the third time eating by myself once in New York, once in SF, and now in Chicago. The other two times were at the bar/chef’s table, so I would just strike up a convo with bar staff. It’s also expected that you’re there alone if you’re at the bar usually.

But this was my first time eating at an actual table by myself, especially at a place where everyone comes for dates. Not going to lie, before going in, I was actually super nervous that I was going to run into someone I knew, and that it would just be awkward for me, especially since I was going on Saturday in my home town. But thankfully I didn’t run into anyone.

I would say it started off a bit awkward though. The waitress saw it was just for 1 person, and her face was like “ohh okay” and then the staff kind of thought I was waiting on someone, so didn’t come to me for a bit too. That’s when I realized location really did matter for your dreams. I wish solo dates and taking videos was more normalized in a place like Chicago but it’s almost looked down upon. Which idk if I like or hate because on the other note, I like how it’s almost respectful that people aren’t on their phones and come to celebrate. I see the beauty in that as well, almost like social media is over taking quality time. But for someone like me right now who is trying to have a solo date and create content it doesn’t really help. It almost adds to the anxiety of standing out too much. I still managed to get a few videos in even though the anxiety because I just kept telling myself “I am a content creator, this is part of my job, and as far a dinner I’m in a new city, grabbing something to eat before speaking” to really embody the character and get out of anxiety. Because this is what I want my year to look like, so I need to get used to it.

Me being dressed up, getting my blowout and just looking confident and happy, I knew I didn’t at least look like I got stood up. I wanted to just be happy with my own company, and I continued to order everything I would order if I was on a date. A virgin drink, vodka pasta, and even got Tiramisu.

When I first got my food, I noticed I was eating really fast almost like I was still nervous, so I decided to slow down and just admire the artwork around the room. Which honestly was slightly awkward because I was trying not to look at peace and not be on my phone too, but it did help knowing the room was actually beautiful, so there was a lot to observe. And then I noticed my posture was all closed up because I was nervous, so I tried to just relax, and that’s when I had a small convo with the family sitting next to me. The Tiramisu was huge, so I took half of it home.

After dinner, I was right next to Gilt bar, so decided to go there and go down to the speakeasy to take pictures. I’ve always loved their pictures but had to rip them up because they were always with a past guy. This time I wanted to take a picture with myself because now I can keep it forever. And I would actually want to do this if I was on an actual date.

Overall, I had fun! And it was a first date, so I don’t mind being nervous. I know I’ll just get better because this is what I’m manifesting.

On my way home, I called my friend up and he was like you’re glowing! Having that convo with him also made me proud of myself because people see the changes in me too, which only adds to my confidence.

I came home and posted my first talking Tiktok. Overall am just proud of myself for emboying the whole I don’t care what anyone has to say and just doing me. I feel stronger than ever.

10/10 - Proud of myself for posting, pushing through even when I was nervous, and just doing me.

Intuition - It’s only going to get better from here because I’m pushing through all my fears.