1/15 - Lapsing
After falling off my routine it feels harder to get back on today. Almost feels like a day where I want to lapse on everything. Today, in a long time I was like should I get a cup of wine after my workout. To lapse on my alcohol steak and everything. Idk why I’m feeling this way. Maybe it’s a test? But the thing that kept me going is honestly people telling me they’ve seen the work of my routines. Even though I myself don’t see it other people see it. And tbh this just shows that you really do need to surround yourself with people that make you a better person because It’s human nature to need validation. You can’t just have the internal energy to keep going even on the hardest days without a community and external validation.
The external validation that I’m getting for my glow-up is literally the only reason I am not lapsing today. And that’s okay.
Today, I’ve also just been in a truthful/confident mode. I’m saying whatever I need to say without anger or fear of judgment. I’m not holding myself back. And this is where I feel the happiest.
I’m not proud of myself when I speak from fear or anger or any type of form when my body is not emotionally regulated.
Today, I spoke to the HR of my parent company about how the bonus issue was unethical. And I’m very proud of myself on the way I carried my argument. It was emotions aside, very logical.
And then I actually did end up having a conversation with my coworker. Lol idk how effective it was and it wasn’t a heart to heart but it was a convo.
Went to a workout class today and felt like treating myself, so got Chicken Satay, some dumplings, and bubble tea. Tbh I feel like it was the best bubble I’ve had.
I got vegan dumplings for my mom, and that’s when I realized that my relationship with her is just getting much closer. It’s like in the forefront of my mind that she’s experiencing things for the first time too, and I”m more than happy to. She liked the dumplings. And this all happened when I started treating her like a blessing rather than a burden. Another sign of me maturing.
Lately, I’ve also been adding a new affirmation to myself that “life isn’t real” and this really helps me embody the fact that I’m not tied to my current situation. My dreams don’t have limits. Anything can happen to anyone any minute. Because life isn’t real. Tbh no one knows what’s going to happen next.
9/10 - Felt positive today and at peace, but slightly still questioning why I’m falling back and getting “lazy”
Intuition - It’s okay. I just need to start slowly again. It’s okay to take breaks, with routines too. Just need to keep at least one thing always going and that will be my journals.
