1/16 - Being mad at myself

Late last night I ended up figuring at why I was “lapsing”. It’s because I was mad at myself. I was mad at myself for not posting on Tiktok and Youtube. I was so strong on it. And then Tiktok was about to shut down, so I was like what’s the point now. And then for Youtube, I was like let me wait on filming again and just doing higher quality edits. Plus, I need to have a hair day again and just do my makeup to film. I also needed to run errands. But I was still mad at myself but I feel like I should have kept posting until the last day. Even though I had logical reasons, they’re almost excuses. If I was a content creator, would I have stopped posting? No. I would have kept posting until the very last day. So I did not show up as one. I showed up as someone that has a 0 following and doesn’t think it’s worth it to create content.

Plus, I’ve been seeing other people, especially my old coworker doing so good on IG. She had her first collab with Pinterest India. And I’m so proud of her. But see that’s the result of showing up everyday. And I did not show up. Which is why I almost was like okay.. might as well lapse on other things too. But thankfully I stayed strong and reminded myself I need to get back up.

Today, I had an eye appointment in the morning. Lol I’m trying to get all my apointments in just incase I quit. And then went to trader joe’s to pick up some flowers. The roses were sooo pretty, haven’t gotten around to it today but excited to arrange them tomorrow. I actually like buying flowers for myself. I’m trying to learn how to arrange them, so watched a bunch of tiktoks on it.

Had a couple of meetings. During my meetings, I realized how truely knowledged I was about my work. Like lol more than I actually even thought I was. Which boosted my confidence even more.

And then after lunch, put on a movie and got my 10k steps in before heading to yoga class. Really needed to do some hip opening excersises and felt super relaxed today to the point I thought I was going to take a nap.

Overall though, in yoga, I did realize that I need to be serious about content. I have no choice. Literally, I will not forgive myself. That’s the one thing I will be proud of myself for. I used to feel this when I didn’t priortize my fitness. I would just be so angry at myself.

So I’ve been there before. And I need to stop going into the mindset that I’m new. I need to literally embody that I am a content creator as my daily affirmation.

9/10 - Felt relaxed today but still mad at myself.

Intution - Literally need to show up as what I want. That’s literally the secret to be a frequency match. So not just for content, there’s something else too that I need to be super delulu about.