1/17 - Am I rich? but also fear.

It’s crazy how being at peace can do wonders on you. Last night I went to sleep without overthinking. And as simple as this seems literally this feels like such a luxury when you’re in a constant state of fight or flight and just worrying about every possible situation. Just navigating this helps me feel more inspired to help my friends lower their cortisol too.

On the other note, I’m at a coffee shop right now. And just for a moment of reflection, my love for coffee shops grew because of Chicago coffee shops. It’s like a place where people come to hustle but also slow down. New York Coffee shops don’t hit the same. People over there go to coffee shops to get coffee. It’s in and out. Chicago actually has outlets and tons of people come to work but also just work on their passions. I’m blogging, the person behind me is painting, the person on my left is drawing, the person on my right is job hunting. The smell of coffee beans. All the different names being called out. The way people’s face lights up when they take their first sip of their coffee or tea. The steam in the air. The aesthetics, making you wealthy. People hugging at the door. It’s a room filled with energy. Passion. Love. Ambition.

Kind of like the gym. Where people stop and focus on each muscle but are also in movement. People are sitting and sipping and savoring in each sip but they’re also thinking and moving their fingers. It’s beautiful.

I also realized, I’m starting to think like a rich person. I had to pay for a parking spot, and it was $2. Today I was like oh wow $2 is actually pretty cheap. But just 3 months ago, I would watch my car outside the coffee shop window just so I didn’t have to pay $2. Today I believe money will keep coming to me. I am rich. So now I look at the price in exchange for its value. Like $7 for an experience to slow down and hustle but savor a drink seems totally worth it to me. Back then, I was like how do I save $2. Because I need to keep the money I have. Like the money was going away if I spent it too quickly. Now, I’m like money will never go away. It will always keep coming.

Which makes me think if you embody being rich, does that mean you lose you humility? Because now the value of $2 went from everything to nothing. It’s not that I don’t value $2 but the currency at which I value it has changed. Before it was the actual amount, now it’s the whole experience for the amount.

Before going to bed last night, I watching beast games and even within that there was this one girl that won a whole island. And she said she knew it. She knew it was hers and that’s she has prayed for this. That’s how I’m starting to feel about all my dreams. I know they’re mine. I feel it.

Tbh - even at work, I feel like this concept has just changed my experience. Makes sense on why other companies hire. They want to scale up and believing investing resources will get them there. Meanwhile, mine lol continues to stay lean. Truly embodies being brown.

The rest of the day ended up being shit. I consumed too much social media and all the fear of the next 4 years just got to me. Like what’s going to happen, and just obviously thinking the worst. It brought this insane amount of anxiety where I facetimed my best friend at night and just started crying from all the fear.

5/10 - It started off pretty positive and I was almost in my own world until I decided to consume social media and that messed up everything and completely dysregulated my emotions.

Intuition - There will be ups and downs in my emotions. It’s okay to release.