1/27 - Making my home my home.

I’m finally starting to love my kitchen and living room. It’s starting to feel mine. It feels like my space. Even though I’m the one that decorated everything, it just always felt like common space. I rarely sit in the living room. Only my room felt like my space, and I’ve just been having roommates for so long. 10 years to be exact, from college to SF to now here. I forgot how it feels like to just be able to dance in the living room and chill in the living room.

When I moved in, nothing was furnished and then my mom was sick, so the living room just reminded me of being home alone while my mom was in the hospital, and then I started keeping roommates to help with rent.

So this is really the first time I’m actually enjoying the space. No roommates. Furnished to my liking. And my mom being at home doing her own thing.

The empty room also was just a reminder of it being my mom and I, but now we’re making it a temp mandir room.

Instead of having the feelings that it’s just mom and I, and the anxiety of something happening to her or a slight loneliness, we’re literally having the time of lives. I’m dancing, and we’re just doing whatever we want to do.

Maybe my friend was right. This is my time to enjoy time with my mom, especially what her and I have been through for the longest.

I’m enjoying my now home. Literally after sooo soo long.

Maybe that’s the thing that was missing. The old home was where I grew up so every corner felt like it was mine. I saw mini me and every memory in each corner.

Besides that, earlier today was very high on anxiety. I got some errands stuff, went to the dentist, and finally am done with all my crown issues. Things I’ve been working on for the past 3 years. I just kept praying, but felt better at the later half of the day. The fear was starting to slowly go away, but I’ve just been so drained lately. It’s been a lot but I’m giving myself leniency. I know I’ve been going through a lot, and honestly I’m just proud of myself for overcoming my current challenges. I know I’ll figure it out. And for the first time in a long time, I’m actually not made at myself for not being productive. I’m just happy I’m making it day by day.

9/10 - Was a very high anxiety morning, but god was always with me. My fear feels a bit less and am just loving my space at home.

Intuition - I just need to stay positive and believe everything will happen when it needs to happen. It’ll get done.