2/5 - Will not fail my test.
I woke up feeling sleepy today too, despite going to bed at like 10pm and having more than 10 hours of sleep. Probably still feeling the affects from yesterday.
After dropping mom off I literally just stayed in my car and finished an episode of Sex in the City. Again still amazed at how literally the show was definitely marketed wrong. It’s not about Sex. It’s about relationships. The same questions I’ve been asking myself months, so it couldn’t have came in my life at a better time.
And then dragged myself out to go to a coffee shop. I’ve been drinking Matcha for a bit to get off of coffee but definitely needed a latte today. I need to get out of this sleep slump.
Other updates :
- I’m about to tell my guy friend that I need more depth in our convos if he wants to continue them because the superficial updates are becoming unnecessary. And a busy successful version of me doesn’t entertain that.
- I put my phone on DND. I get to choose when I’m free enough to reach out to people, not “wait” for people to reach out to me.
- Affirmations work when you visualize them. I’m showing up as my dreams and my fear is completely disappearing to the point when I don’t even freak out anymore if there’s a trigger because the lense at I see the world is also changing. You just naturally become ignorant to certain things.
The rest of the day was just spent working, in meetings, and I did end up making it to the gym, my 10k steps, and other things that are a part of routine.
Before going to bed, something did piss me off. My boss said he wanted to talk to me tomorrow and lol I swear if we has something to say, I might just blow up. But this is where the healing comes into place. The higher version of me is calm and said what she needs to say with authority. She is a valuable boss. I can never get rid of my reactive nature, but I am responsible for my reaction.
If someone is saying something I don’t like, it’s okay for me to be quiet and take some time to reflect my moves. I DO NOT need to give them instant feedback. It’s totally fine for me to hold another meeting to then give my side.
And if someone says something to me it’s okay to ask for their inputs. lol especially if they’re my “boss”.
I think there is a lot of pent-up resentment but again I need to remember to the point I even made myself sticky notes.
THIS is literally how I will prove myself. No one deserves a reaction from me. Reaction is a weakness. Any response that is not emotionally regulated is a weakness.
I need to do this for myself and all the efforts I’ve put in myself to be the highest version of me. A public speaker is not reactive. And this is a training test for me to see if I pass or fail.
7/10 - Still a little pissed, so need to release the energy.
Intuition - I will pass the test.
