2/12 - tired of living in fear

For the most part I was just sleeping all day. My head was pounding, and I couldn’t tell if it was because of the pain or if it was because of no carbs and sugar for the past 2 days but regardless my body was not doing well. I literally could not, so after dropping mom off I slept, and even after picking her up I slept.

I did start eating solids again today. Kichari literally never felt better but the headache was still a lot.

It’s a full moon today, the intention was to work on my business today but I just couldn’t. So after feeling a bit better at night, I decided to do some shadow work by making a list of things I fear. Once I was done with the list, I realized all of them were irrational life fears. Fears of things “not happening” based on my past trauma. They were precautionary fears of things I possibility would have a hard time handling, and that’s when it hit me.

That I literally can not live in fear. I need to let go. By having all these fears, I’m giving energy to the wrong things, especially when in my heart I know god always has my back. So then why have all these unnecessary overthinking fears. Why am I living in anxiety? Why am I scared?

After interalizing all that, I burned the paper as the act of letting go. Obviously, it’s hard and it’s a daily step of progress but I need to work towards it because I simply can not just be scared all my life. I’m going to drive myself crazy. And even if I get abundance, I’m going to always be scared of losing it. Like all the rich people. They’re all scared. I do not want to be them.

8/10 - Was sick but also felt like another progress step. This was needed.

Intuition - Letting go of my fears is what is going to help me quantum jump. And fears have different levels to them. Last couple of weeks, I’ve been letting go and now I’m trying to let of them completely.