2/18 - Walking is the answer

I’m trying to constantly ground myself, but I’m also sick to my stomach. Just feels like such a new territory for me, so I’m trying to overthink and guess what the initial conversation could look like. In the morning, I convinced myself that my dreams are my priority and reminded myself that I’m a catch, and need to act from a state of abundance.

One thing I will say from this whole situation is that whether this person works out is a mystery for me but it did open the doors for love for me. Like going to these weddings and stuff, honestly, I stopped feeling anything. Like I just felt like I was attending events without having emotions for the “love” or the happiness for my friends. Now, I’m like “ohh.. shit” this could be me and I see myself in every lovey reel. It’s opening my heart which I feel like I had closed to hustle and focus on myself.

The key is to have heart for love while continuing to prioritize myself and my dreams, because they need to be completed this year no matter what. I’m getting mad at myself more and more, and I know I won’t forgive myself if they’re put on the back burner again. I just won’t be happy.

On the other note, my weight has been significantly going down now and idk if it’s because of the stomach issues. So spent the morning trying to chat gpt a new routine for me to heal my gut based on my labs and goals.

Besides that for the most part, I was just working and checking things off my work to-do list. I’ve been procrastinating a lot. But I just need to remind myself that if I buckle down and get stuff done, I literally get it done so quick. This one work task that I thought was going to take me a couple of hours literally took me 30 minutes because I felt the pressure and knocked it out in the most efficient way.

I know I can literally get anything done. I’m very aware of that as my strength, just getting to that pressure state where I get it done is the hard part. For my personal tasks, I kind of give myself more time because I dread it. And for work, I literally wait till the last possible minute and knock it out so fast.

Anyways, I started walking on my treadmill to get my steps in and started watching some motivational videos to launch everything on my etsy shop. I need to get back to the zone. And realized that movement helps with anxiety because it transfers the energy from my body to walking, so I can use my brain to actually focus on the tasks.

Walking was literally my savior to my fitness journey, and maybe I just need to go back to it again. Maybe walking is the ultimate answer for my procrastination and anxiety.

After walking a bit, mom and I went to the mandir and I just asked god to protect me and just please guide me in the right direction and give me the support for my dreams.

My mom came home, and called his aunt to say I’m basically down to talk to him, and that’s when the anxiety started kicking in again, so I started walking on the treadmill again.

Overall, I’m going to say that again we should spend time getting to know each other without any pressure and expectations and have it all naturally play out.

Besides that, my friends have all been checking in but for some reason, I don’t feel like explaining to clear the air, so I’m just giving vague responses and staying away. I know I just need space for a while.

Update - So lol his aunt was like we wanna match birth charts, which lowkey I agree with because I’m about that horoscope life now and yes, I am regressing to birth charts to save my time. But then out of nowhere I totally forgot I have access to Dil Mil’s admin pannel lolol. And looked him up to get his birthday and communication style. I will say I already have the ick. First of all, he’s a gemini and I’m not compatible with geminis, so now I’m hoping the birth charts don’t actually match and that closes the chapter because I literally can not stand geminis. Second, he triple-texts way too much and as no chill. He’s not my person. I can already tell. So moral of the story this ends this chapter in my head and puts a little bit of ease to have more time.

And then ngl I went on a rabbit hole to stalk my recent exes. Happy to announce they’re still single. Lmfaoo because as they should. I really do hope they suffer. lmfao because I’m down being the bigger person. Actually makes me happy.

7/10 - Another emotional day but just taking it day by day. I do feel much stronger and put together mentally even with all this going on. Like I don’t feel like an emotional wreck. I know exactly why I act the way I do in real-time which has to be progress.

Intuition - I need to chill out.