Step 3 - Understand your insecurities & limiting beliefs

Understanding your insecurities is crucial because they'll surface as triggers when you least expect it, leading to victim mentality and attracting the wrong people. Insecurities go beyond physical traits like a larger-than-average nose. They encompass your limiting beliefs, worst fears, and anything that makes you feel inadequate or inferior.

How does this show up in dating?

Consider having an insecurity about coming from a broken household. You worry that your partner's family won't accept your family background. But by focusing on this fear, you actually attract that outcome—like a skier who fixates on trees instead of the clear path ahead. You unconsciously place your partner on a pedestal, giving them the power to "choose you," which often leads to compromising your standards. You might think, "This person doesn't love me the way I need, but at least they accept my broken family," or "We're not compatible, but at least they accept my weight or height." Moreover, if you constantly refer to yourself as overweight, others will begin to see you that way because it reflects your self-image.

How to work on this?

Start by identifying your insecurities and limiting beliefs. Ask yourself: "Why don't I believe I deserve my ideal partner?" "What aspects of myself am I afraid others will discover?" "What qualities about me might make someone love me less?" If you believe coming from a broken household is a disadvantage, you might unconsciously make others see it that way too. Remember: if someone didn't walk away when they first learned about your background, they've already accepted it. It's your continued focus on these insecurities that can make others question their significance.