Step 6 - Regulate your emotions

Emotional regulation means learning to control your emotions rather than letting them control you. It's about bringing yourself back to a balanced, calm state. Like a seesaw, you want to maintain equilibrium rather than swinging between extreme sadness or happiness. This balance creates internal emotional safety instead of keeping you in survival mode. When you regulate your emotions, you can communicate more effectively. By setting emotions aside temporarily, you can approach problems objectively and focus on finding solutions.

How does this show up in dating?

If someone in your relationship starts pulling away, avoid sending lengthy messages. Instead, communicate directly and confidently: "I sense you pulling away, and I'm feeling confused. I think I need some space too." If you feel your time isn't being valued, try: "You don't seem present during dinner. I have another dinner to attend—let's reconnect when you have the bandwidth to be more present. I want to ensure my time is valued."

How to work on this?

Keep messages concise and avoid long paragraphs. Focus on activities that bring you joy and calm. Create a list of things that make you happy. When overwhelmed, write down your feelings. If angry, take a walk or exercise. When sad, watch something that makes you laugh. Remember that anger often signals violated boundaries—ask yourself which boundary was crossed and how you can reclaim your power. Consider what actions will make you proud of yourself. Remember, it's perfectly fine to take space when you need clarity.